apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
