I wish life had little blips of pornography
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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