god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
