the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
