okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
