drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I want to fling myself into the sun
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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