You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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