hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
