last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
