so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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