is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
