Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
