I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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