I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
