some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
