seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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