I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
