GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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