Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i drank out of a bidet.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
