It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
