i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
