drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
