I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
