There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
