Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
