are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
