is your mom at the bar?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
