Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
