think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
