I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
