Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
