My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
