that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
