I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sext me about skeletons
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
