On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
