Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
