yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
