So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
