OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
