Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
