i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this boner is exhausting
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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