he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
