shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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