Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
