i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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