its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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