what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
