Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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