i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
