Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Green mimosas i think yes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
