nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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